Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
