It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
