Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
