So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
