think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize