he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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