I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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