By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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