There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
