there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
