woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
