your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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