I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
