the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
