no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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