is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
