I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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