True but thats because hes a fetus.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
