I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
