I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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