She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
