went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
