I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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