the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
