I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
