I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
