Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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