I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
