I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
