I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
