We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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