I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
