I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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