I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
