you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
