Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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