Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
