Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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