i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
