my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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