she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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