i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
