I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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