My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
