Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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