I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
