I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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