Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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