conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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