he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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