my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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