If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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