the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
