So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
