allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
