i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
