wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
