And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
