Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
