I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
