just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
