Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
