haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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