is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
