I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
