I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
