Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
