She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
