just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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