one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
