Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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