im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drake has all the answers
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
