About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
