I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
