just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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