is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize