She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
