Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He? As in you personified your dick?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
