I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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