Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
